The "Never Eat Shredded Wheat" Project

"Never Eat Shredded Wheat”……I’m sure there’s a whole generation of people like me who were taught that mnemonic at primary school to remember the cardinal points of the compass - North, East, South and West - in clockwise order. I don’t know if it’s still used in school, but recently I did hear a primary school teacher using it herself to figure out some directions. 

I’m also not sure what the makers of Shredded Wheat thought of it all. It was great advertising for them even though the message was somewhat negative. Not that I ever needed discouraging from eating shreddies…..I couldn’t taste the difference between the product and the box it came in. 

Believe me, in my teenage years I did try the taste test - eating both a part of the box and some of the contents - with the product only marginally winning. Looking back, this must have been a strange period in my life because I also ate the occasional dog biscuit. It’s a very long story but they made me feel wroughf !!   

Anyway, I digress, to what do I speak? 

It’s been a very strange 12 months of Covid, with lots of adventure bike riders holed up and unable to travel. Like most bikers I can’t wait to hit the road - or more precisely in my case - not hit the off-road.

Whilst the lure of crossing a huge continent will always be a big draw, I need an adventure with a different twist. But what is my unique selling point - no doubt referred to as a “USP” in Nabisco, Kelloggs, Nestle and every other cereal maker? Like other bikers, I have no excuses. I’ve had over a year to think about all the wonderful rides that I’m going to do after getting vaxxed up. So, I’m going to start small and get more adventurous as the world unlocks.

I thought I’d do something simple – that is visit the cardinal extremities of Great Britain. You’d think this would be simple but oh no…….there’s more to it than I thought, which seeing as I’m a bloke didn’t add up to a great deal of thinking if I was to be absolutely honest.

Firstly, what constitutes the landmass of Great Britain? Apparently, GB is not the same as the United Kingdom, as no doubt readers in Northern Ireland are now shouting out, although in my humble experience (and I do have a deep love for the people of Northern Ireland), but to the untrained ear they do sound as though they are shouting most of the time 😇.

So, rules of the game? 

I’m going to define the extreme points on a land mass as those that I can travel to by motor bike unencumbered. This may mean deviation from the conventional norms of well established geographical and cartographic principles. Which may mean that I allow myself considerable latitude in the application of, well…. latitude (and longitude). 

An example may illuminate…..it’s commonly accepted that the most Westerly point of mainland Great Britain is Ardnamurchan, in Scotland. In 1995 a bridge was built to the island of Sky. Unlike Bonnie Prince Charlie in 1746, you can now ride unfettered to Milovag which is even more Westerly than Ardnamurchan . By the way, that’s the year 1746 not the time of the ferry – a quarter to six in the evening. Not that Bonnie, nor for that matter the present Prince Charlie, were ever known to ride a motorbike. 

Bonnie not on the Clyde

A true HOG

So basically my rough definition of the cardinal points are those on a land mass without having to take a ferry, or plane, or the back of a 6 wheel drive. Yes, I’m referring to you - you long way up, down, round, shake it all around-ers. No doubt you’ve twigged the irony that taking your bike on the back of a lorry does in fact make it, well… less of a long way. 

Oh, and walking is out as well. Unless it is to a strategically placed ice-cream van which has been cannily located at said cardinal point to fleece simple travellers like me (yes please, I would like extra sprinkles and a flake with that).

Anyway, I digress again. The other oddity about this adventure is to prove a theory. I know – it’s amazing – who would have thought a simple dullard biker could have a theory about anything. 

It’s not a history beating theory. This isn’t going to be like Capt Cook’s epic journey to Tahiti in 1769 to observe the transit of Venus across the sun in order to prove James Gregory and Edmund Halley’s theory to determine an astronomical unit. That said, there are some similarities in that it does involve history, no doubt the cost will be astronomical, and the esteemed Royal Society were reportedly very disappointed with Cook’s subsequent report. I have no doubt that you, dear reader, will be equally if not more disappointed with this report……. 

No, my thesis is this ..... you’ve heard of the six degrees of separation theory, as thought up by Frigyes Karinthy in 1929 (which is not dissimilar to the parlour game Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon - where players challenge each other to arbitrarily choose an actor and then connect them to another actor via a film that both actors have appeared in together). Well the Karinthy idea is that all people on average are six, or fewer, social connections away from each other. That's everyone in the world - over 7.8 billion people – wow awesome (wo)man. 

My theory is that not only are we connected to everyone in the world today but we are somehow also connected to all people and events in the past. Now that’s absolutely cosmic (wo)man!

The analogy is looking up at a clear night sky. You'll see many stars and some planets. The light from each celestial body must have set off at different times but they have all travelled to hit the back of your retina at exactly the same moment in time. Some stars are small or a long way off so the light (connection) is weak but some are very clear and bright. 

My mission (in more of an impossible mission rather than a Mission Impossible sort of way) is to go to places and along the way try to find out the best connection I have with them. Some connections will be strong (I shall no doubt meet family) but some will be weak and very tenuous. But I’m convinced there will be a connection nonetheless. My challenge will be to find the best link I can, the brightest star possible if you like and in doing so bring a bit of sunshine into people’s existence.

All those stars are like a giant dot to dot puzzle – which now I come to think of it I used to do as a kid whilst waiting for the milkman to deliver the milk so I could eat the dreaded Shredded Wheat !!

Safe travels.